If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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