I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
