I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
