I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
