White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
