I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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