My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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