i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
