Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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