A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
