dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
