either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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