Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
