he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
