im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
