I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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