I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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