You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
