babies were throwing up all over the place
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
