I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
