some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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