1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
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He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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