Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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