If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
