I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
