oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
