Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
