Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Are we still banned from the library?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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