...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
