My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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