Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
