Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
