smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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