You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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