It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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