South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
