Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
