The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
