If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
