wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
