yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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