You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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