Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
