Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
im on a boat
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