I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
