Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
