it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
