Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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