Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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