So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
