@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
