Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
