I accidentally had phone sex last night
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
