The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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