im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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