This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
