You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
