I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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