We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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