i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
