You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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